Saturday, August 30, 2014

Steak n Shake's 7x7 Burger is like Kryptonite for Vegetarians.

It certainly doesn't have the appeal of the pictures. It
actually looks relatively normal.
I'm leaving in just over two weeks. I'm leaving friends, family, and loved ones for a long time. This unfortunate departure means better things in the long run (hopefully). I'm trying to have lots of special moments with my kids, so when we were driving home from the Eden Drive-In the other day, it was 1 AM, and I knew my son was a fan of crazy burger challenges, I decided to stop at Steak n Shake for a 7X7 Burger.

Fortunately, I didn't discover this vegetarian nightmare until just a few days before. After Wendy's had banned the T-Rex (a nine patty burger), I figured my child may never be able to prove his gastronomical capabilities in public. Let me assure you, he has never eaten a seven patty burger in his life before. Afterwards we put him on a diet of wheat-meal and tofu. However, Chance was able to accomplish the challenge, which seems trivial compared to the numerous  individuals  on the internet who have ate two (or more) of them.
They call it a meat tornado.

So where to get it? We went to the Lawndale Steak n' Shake in Greensboro. The burger is only served between 12 AM-6 AM as a part of their Up All Night menu.  The cost? $7.77. The 1 lb+ burger includes garnishes like lettuce, pickles, tomato, condiments, and seven patties of beef and cheese between a minuscule grease soaked bun. Is it good? Oddly, yes, however I'm not certain anyone would want to indulge in such an experience more than once. The burger leaves a permanent notch in your stomach, and general discomfort for some time to come.

Despite the necessary shame of this burger, it appears to be the lone "monster burger" within Greensboro (are you listening Burger Warfare). This is the ideal after-drinking sandwich for sobering up, and an odd challenge for those who were huge Man vs. Food fans.

The truth is, I don't expect these sort of old-fashioned burger challenges to stick around. The aforementioned T-Rex was properly banned after corporate discovered the rogue franchises making money off the concept. There's just too much liability, when some Americans will perceive these mega-sized portions as normal, and begin to consume them on daily basis. For that reason, it's a little bit naughty to have one while they're still available. It's like driving too fast, drinking too much. This rebel's cause is clearly the risk of dying from cardiac arrest. If I ever open up my own burger restaurant, perhaps I'll make a 7x7x7. I leave it to you to figure out the math.