("I Love Burn" slowed down from baby talk to audible)
A few weeks ago, you'll remember I mentioned Source Energy Drinks had sent me free Burn Energy Drinks. I promised to write about my experience with it since this had to be a good sign that I was now receiving free stuff from blogging. I didn't exactly forget about it, but being sick, having my parents living with me, and work treating me like a Nike factory worker, I had to put it on the back burner.
The first thing I did was try Burn for 3 days to wake up. It was an excellent jump start in the morning compared to my usual Volt or Diet Mountain Dew. The only problem was at about 10AM I fell flat on my face and wanted to go home. No problem right, drink another Burn. Unfortunately my vending machines at work don't have burn, and I was rationing my free supply by leaving it at home. I was like a drug-induced addict. But it didn't really matter since I got a works worth of work done that first day in 3 hours and could just pretend to work the next 7 hours.
The next victim of the free Burn was my mom. Mom has high-blood pressure, and doesn't drink caffeine, ever. The last time she had caffeine was 1976 and it's effects resulted in several laws being passed about riots caused by white women in Toledo Ohio. It wasn't that I meant to give her Burn, it's just that she found one, and decided to try it. I kinda did that whole "bracing to crash" face as she swallowed it and said "Wow this is good." I'm expecting at any moment the woman is going keel over and I'd be calling 911. Then she looks at the can and says "wow this has alot of calories." I'm like mom.... "it has like 10 calories.", she looks over and points to where the can says "enough caffeine we couldn't measure it." I'm like "mom, that's the caffeine." The next 10 minutes involved mom cleaning my whole house, doing all the laundry, mowing the lawn, painting the house and reading the Bible front to back.
Thank you Burn.
The last test subject was my daughter Serenity. She's a little toddler, and has been lethargic since getting the Flu the last few days. While I momentarily debated the ethics of good parenting and giving my child an energy drink, I figured the weeks worth of Vitamin C in the thing might actually be beneficial.
You'll notice she has a bit of a runny nose in these pictures. Not done to gross you out, but hey the kid is like a leaky water faucet.
As you can see the Burn Energy Drink container is the perfect size for your preschool caffeine addict. In fact, you could almost say Source is marketing this fine product to children the way crack dealers did during the Reagan Era. I foresee a broad marketing campaign to get Burn replaced as lunches in cafeteria's across the nation.
The problem arises from Burn's lackluster approach to delivery of the drink. Since I hadn't taught my child to drink out of a can yet, and Burn failed to realize they're going to need "sippy-lids" for kids under 4. It's a big problem that someone in the energy drink business is going to realize and make alot of money from.
The results of my little childhood experiment resulted in Ren writing down exactly how she felt about Burn. Not a very impressive accomplishment until you realize she can't spell yet, let alone write this:
