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Hardees Monster Burger

by Liv | Published on October 12th, 2005, 12:42 pm | Food
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So there's this burger called the Monster Burger. You may have heard about this several months ago when Hardee's introduced it. It's massive, with 2/3 LB (yes pounds not ounces) of beef. Yesterday this burger beckoned me, begged me, it said "Liv Come Eat Me!" ...

And I did.

My problem isn't with the food at Hardee's- because it's incredibly delicious, it's the service. You see I'm very familiar with our "New" Hardee's, because it was recently purchased by another food chain called Carl's JR which is as infamous as McDonald's in California. Their no nonsense advertising of "If It don't get all over the place, it don't belong in your face." is a mantra that seems to ignore the "I'm a skinny bitch" faze most of America is in at the moment.

The most notable of Carl Jr's Sandwiches is the cult legend of the Double Bacon Western Cheeseburger, or in Hardee's speak "Western Bacon Thick Burger." Basically take burger, cheese, bacon, onion rings, and BBQ sauce and slap it on a bun. This is the God of burgers, the Saint of BBQ, This is perfection.

Unfortunately despite the western showing up on the menu at http://www.hardees.com it appears no one at Hardees knows that it exists. I've tried several times to order one and always have been told we no longer sell it. The drive-thru boards make no mention of it. But then I write to Hardees, and they send me a letter that yes indeed they do sell it. Please accept our apologies and here's a coupon for 2 free burgers.

OK I forgive you.

2 Weeks later I try to buy it. Guess what happened. Yep the same person that supposedly they had spoken to by management tells me they no longer offer my sinful treat. This time I'm mad. I don't understand. They sell onion rings, they sell BBQ sauce... put it to freaking together people.

So months go by, and I begin to let go of my burger. I decide one day on my way home I'm hungry and I will just go order something else and not even try to deal with the whole burger problem.

So I order this Monster Burger. I pull up and pay. They seem to recognize this is actually a menu item. Which is a good sign. They advise me to pull forward because obviously this is a "special" order and we wouldn't want to hold anyone up behind me. I begin to feel the vein in my forehead start to pulse. But being nice, I said "sure" and pulled forward next to the other 3 cars that are waiting. (Yes 3) I didn't mind waiting the first 10 or 15 minutes, I was digging through my purse, while my counterparts were reading the newspaper and the other guy was playing on his cell phone.

As I waited I began to imagine what might be taking so long. Is the Burger cook, chasing down Bessie the cow. Telling her she had to take one for the team. Perhaps the sheer size of this burger requires presidential approval or something, I'm not sure.

After about 25 minutes go by, and I think I've re-applied every different type of makeup I own: the Hardees lady knocks on my window. This abruptly alerts me from the search for that phone number I couldn't find in the deep abyss of my bag. I grab my burger which you could tell weighed the every bit of the 2/3 pounds they advertise, and then ask the lady as she is standing in the rain: "How did you carry it by yourself?" She rolled he eyes and then ran back into Hardees satisfied with her speedily service.

Well I got home, and decided I was going to conquer this masterpiece of beef. I had already forgotten the anxiety of my last 3 visits as the beef dissolved in my throat. After about 2 bites, I began to realize this would be a challenge. My intentions were to come home and complain once again about the service. However the dopamine induced zombie, that I was now becoming led me to the couch for a power nap, followed by a persistent vegetative state that led me to believe no one should be allowed to eat a small calf on a bun for lunch.

Since originally complaining it appear Hardees has removed the Western from their menu website. I am dismayed, sad, and convinced I may never go back to Hardees after the bad service, and their intentional removal of an American legend. I sure hope Jack In The Box doesn't make the same mistake when they come to Greensboro.
 
 
At least we're going to be spared from having to watch a new, lame ad campaign. Don't care about the "decency" issue. I just hate all their bloody ads...
July 23rd, 2009, 7:40 am
User avatar
SouthernFriedInfidel
 
Location: 5th circle of hell -- actually not very crowded at the moment.
I laughed may ass off at that ad. Shame on NC for lacking a sense of humor. News flash, the only racy thing about it is what you bring with you asshats.
"You can't put the civil rights of a minority up for a majority vote."
July 23rd, 2009, 9:47 am
User avatar
Sanjuro
Expert...on everything...
 
SouthernFriedInfidel wrote:At least we're going to be spared from having to watch a new, lame ad campaign. Don't care about the "decency" issue. I just hate all their bloody ads...


Perhaps ONLY decent people care?
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second,it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.
July 23rd, 2009, 10:13 am
User avatar
BecauseHeLives
 
BecauseHeLives wrote:
SouthernFriedInfidel wrote:At least we're going to be spared from having to watch a new, lame ad campaign. Don't care about the "decency" issue. I just hate all their bloody ads...


Perhaps ONLY decent people care?



Naah, mostly just puritanical pricks with personal issues who think they know how everyone should run their lives and try to dictate it.
July 23rd, 2009, 10:22 am
User avatar
Sanjuro
Expert...on everything...
 
:text-bravo:
Ain't it the truth!?
July 23rd, 2009, 10:33 am
User avatar
SouthernFriedInfidel
 
Location: 5th circle of hell -- actually not very crowded at the moment.
Hardees market is for men 15-30... and they're suceeding just well, I doubt they care if a 50 year christian person cares about their ads.

That said... Has anyone caught that pick-your-part ad for Winston.... Talk about racey!!!

Some lady in a skin tight outfit basically gives an exhaust pipe a bj
July 23rd, 2009, 11:06 am
User avatar
Liv
I show you something fantastic and you find fault.
 
Location: Greensboro, NC
Sanjuro wrote:
BecauseHeLives wrote:
SouthernFriedInfidel wrote:At least we're going to be spared from having to watch a new, lame ad campaign. Don't care about the "decency" issue. I just hate all their bloody ads...


Perhaps ONLY decent people care?



Naah, mostly just puritanical pricks with personal issues who think they know how everyone should run their lives and try to dictate it.


...said the prick.
July 23rd, 2009, 11:57 am
User avatar
BecauseHeLives
 
BecauseHeLives wrote:...said the prick.

Devastating rebuttal BHL. Sanjuro must have been emotionally crushed by your witty rejoinder. I've yet to be able to plumb the depths of the various layers of meaning contained in your three words and three ellipses. Bravo and well played my good man. A lesser scholar might have written "...the prick said", but not you. You weighed the different subtleties of meaning and chose the only phrase that could express the full weight of your wrath and intellect.

As an homage, in the future when someone is quoting you, I think they should begin with "...said the prick"! An example of me honoring you.
...said the prick
If you believe that it's ok to offend in that matter (sic)then I will agree to never post here again.
Quoted from Monday Aug. 11, 2008 11:31 pm
July 23rd, 2009, 12:27 pm
User avatar
Nfidel
 
Nfidel wrote:
BecauseHeLives wrote:...said the prick.

Devastating rebuttal BHL. Sanjuro must have been emotionally crushed by your witty rejoinder. I've yet to be able to plumb the depths of the various layers of meaning contained in your three words and three ellipses. Bravo and well played my good man. A lesser scholar might have written "...the prick said", but not you. You weighed the different subtleties of meaning and chose the only phrase that could express the full weight of your wrath and intellect.

As an homage, in the future when someone is quoting you, I think they should begin with "...said the prick"! An example of me honoring you.
...said the prick
If you believe that it's ok to offend in that matter (sic)then I will agree to never post here again.
Quoted from Monday Aug. 11, 2008 11:31 pm

Yeah -- good luck with that effort, Nfidel...
July 23rd, 2009, 12:40 pm
User avatar
SouthernFriedInfidel
 
Location: 5th circle of hell -- actually not very crowded at the moment.
It's a shame you can't add moderators (Sanjuro) to the ignore list.
July 23rd, 2009, 12:46 pm
User avatar
BecauseHeLives
 
BecauseHeLives wrote:It's a shame you can't add moderators (Sanjuro) to the ignore list.

You can't? Aw DARN! :lol:
July 23rd, 2009, 1:11 pm
User avatar
SouthernFriedInfidel
 
Location: 5th circle of hell -- actually not very crowded at the moment.
BecauseHeLives wrote:It's a shame you can't add moderators (Sanjuro) to the ignore list.


I never knew that... LOL!!!!
July 23rd, 2009, 1:17 pm
User avatar
Liv
I show you something fantastic and you find fault.
 
Location: Greensboro, NC
Liv wrote:
BecauseHeLives wrote:It's a shame you can't add moderators (Sanjuro) to the ignore list.


I never knew that... LOL!!!!

Well, it makes sense. A moderator needs to be able to talk with any member if needed. Even the hard-headed, wet-lipped, knuckle-dragging, hydrocephalic ones.
:orcs-whip:
July 23rd, 2009, 1:25 pm
User avatar
SouthernFriedInfidel
 
Location: 5th circle of hell -- actually not very crowded at the moment.
Liv wrote:
BecauseHeLives wrote:It's a shame you can't add moderators (Sanjuro) to the ignore list.


I never knew that... LOL!!!!


Perhaps you could fix that. It would be grand!
July 23rd, 2009, 6:24 pm
User avatar
BecauseHeLives
 
Not sure if there is a fix, and I'm definitely not hot-rodding that feature.....

Honestly... my feelings on the whole thing is "If you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch"
July 23rd, 2009, 6:47 pm
User avatar
Liv
I show you something fantastic and you find fault.
 
Location: Greensboro, NC
Liv wrote:Not sure if there is a fix, and I'm definitely not hot-rodding that feature.....

Honestly... my feelings on the whole thing is "If you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch"

Looks like BHL is going to have to develop a talent for manual ignorance. :mrgreen:
July 24th, 2009, 6:43 am
User avatar
SouthernFriedInfidel
 
Location: 5th circle of hell -- actually not very crowded at the moment.
Liv wrote:Not sure if there is a fix, and I'm definitely not hot-rodding that feature.....

Honestly... my feelings on the whole thing is "If you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch"


I agree. As it's going now, pretty soon all G'boring will be to ol' BHL is a background and header.
July 24th, 2009, 6:44 am
User avatar
Sanjuro
Expert...on everything...
 
Sanjuro wrote:I agree. As it's going now, pretty soon all G'boring will be to ol' BHL is a background and header.

And the monthly-or-so posts from Summyfear and Royal Dinkums. Quality internet content, that would be.
July 24th, 2009, 6:58 am
User avatar
SouthernFriedInfidel
 
Location: 5th circle of hell -- actually not very crowded at the moment.
We've seen some good infusion though lately from outside the "norms"... and I think we will continue to see more and more of that.... As I believe I've got Spam under control... and it's only the summer.... (our slow season)... There's a lot of external buzz out there about the site... and hopefully we can get some more opinions in here.
July 24th, 2009, 7:31 am
User avatar
Liv
I show you something fantastic and you find fault.
 
Location: Greensboro, NC

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