Follow the White Rabbit... the vibrating one with the remote
by Liv | Published on April 16th, 2009, 12:27 pm | Greensboro
Why is Greensboring so much better than every other news site and blog in Greensboro combined.... because we're the only site that's actually going to post what the people want.... a trip to the noody store!
That's right. Say you find yourself unemployed, needing to write something for your blog.... I could write about Time Warner Cable.... or I could go to Adam and Eve. Hmmm... Oh yeah....
Let me preempt this by saying. I'm a prude. I'm a conservative, missionary style lesbian who feels like she's going to get struck by lightning for just thinking about vibrating, rotating bristled apparatuses which do nothing but rot your brain and bring you closer to Satan. Shannon is the same way. We felt it was time to break out of our skin. We thought we'd be driving to Cary (aka Sin City NC), but after viewing Adam & Eve's site (adameveburlington.com), we realized that good ole wholesome Burlington has a Adam & Eve store smack dab in the outlet center. Yep. Socks, Refurbished Sony's, and cake pans in the shape of genitalia. We were so embarrassed we almost didn't do it... but I did it for you.... I took one for the team.... let's call it investigative journalism, or something another.
So we got over to the "Big B" about 8:30 where we found Adam & Eve wasn't open to 10am. Apparently only lesbians think "Lets go shopping for vibrators at 8:00am in the morning." So we did the next best thing and went to Cracker Barrell. Played checkers, ate steak and eggs.... oh my it was good.
After a bit of Greensboring business getting nailed down, we were free to return to the store to spend the next 45 minutes in shock and awe. Half the stuff looks like it's from star wars. One had a rechargeable base, a remote control, and took voice commands. I did eye the stripper pole for sale, but couldn't quite figure out how to fit it in the Taurus to take back home.... I mean.... I need to lose weight... and I've never seen a fat stripper?
So back to the balls of the story. It's clean, roomy... and well overpriced. I don't know exactly what half the stuff should cost, I do know the electronic components in them don't cost $130. (I'm such a geek.) I also was bit upset. I had tried to do some research over the years, and was really hoping to find some paint on latex paint or a mister twister. This store had neither.
In fact I highly recommend, if you go, you go with someone who has a huge, mammoth wallet and thinks with their..... well, you know. I mean, that's how the adult industry works.... She says "do you think this pink vinyl bikini would look good on me?" and the partner suddenly overwhelmed with animal instinct abandons all rational thought and slaps their house payment down on the counter.... and well the cycle begins.
Luckily, being two, sound, rational... and sexually void human beings... we resolved to maintaining a limit of $50.00. It was tough. Even more tough is figuring out how to use half the stuff. The one large item on display which looked like Eva from the movie Wall-E came with a DVD video for an instruction manual. Cost? About $300.00. Of course it might be worth it... it did have stereo inputs for your I-Pod.
In the end we settled for some finger paint (Who doesn't love to paint?) and some randomly kinky device with a remote control, (Thank God it's pink as to not confuse it with the blu-ray player) that we're not exactly 100% sure how to work. I guess that's the fun... figuring it out.
