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Womens' Breast Center of Greensboro

by Liv | Published on December 7th, 2007, 12:51 pm | Greensboro
Based on the demographics of my audience, I need to get every one's minds out of the gutter and disclaim this post is not about some topless car-wash on Guilford College road. It's a far different place with old women with canes and shriveled up boobies. It's a place most of you would feel fairly uncomfortable at, you fortunately can view the following article from the safety of your man chair, where you rule by man-law, over your man-empire with beer and remotes for all.

Interestingly enough, I had to go there today for a bone density test. The womens' breast center is uncomfortable for anyone, let alone someone like me. In fear that my 800LBS of weight and my firm diet of high calorie beef tallow, and Big Mac sauce might lead to some bone crushing destruction of my endoskeleton, I decided to submit myself to this torture.

For days before I had chosen not to look up on how they do the test do to the fear of the pain I would experience. Surely it must be akin to bone marrow donations where they stick a needle the size of the Sears tower in your arm and siphon out something my dog loves to lick out of the center of bones.

Finally I looked it up.

What? Only an X-ray!

That's nothing.

Afterall in the last 3 weeks I've been poked, prodded, shot with lasers, and injected with the latest flu Virus. It's not been a good last few weeks.

So I got Ren up this morning and tossed her in the truck. Grabbed my referral papers, a 8x3 piece of paper with a large set of medical breasts on it, my doctor was supposed to mark where the lump is... if I was being referred as a mammogram patient. Luckily I wasn't. Having your boobies stuck into a cold machine and crushed isn't my idea of pleasantry. So we get there, and it's in the same building I did my urine test for drugs when I started working on my job. Up the elevator and into a floral, feminine waiting room with a 50 inch HDTV showing flowing rivers, grassy knolls, and occasional a little bit of institutional advertising up on the screen for the Breast Center, and their technologies.

It's odd, I'm sitting there with 20 women old enough to be my great grandmothers, and they all give me that look as if I'm one of the young ones to which cancer had gotten ahold of young. You can see the Sympathy. It's running through their heads, what's my poor daughter going to do? Suddenly it's like an episode of the Golden Girls, and a bunch of old women are quietly gossiping... except they have no hearing, and we can hear them talk about us but they don't think we can. It's rather uncomfortable.

Okay, that's it... I'm just going to stare at a magazine.... so I reach over to the table and blindly reach for "whatever", I pull it back and start pretend to read it to Ren. I finally look at what I grabbed:

"The Bible Story!" - WHAT?????

Why does every damn doctor in Greensboro have this in the waiting room? Do you get a medical degree and this book with every doctorate? Is someone, going door to door, donating these?

So finally I'm in. I'm informed Ren can't go in, and being I'm by myself, the receptionist lets her play at the receptionist station. It's about now, I'm hoping Ren doesn't show off her latest trick to the lady where she farts, and then cutely says "excuse meez, I tooted." (Oh how embarrassing)

So back down the hall, and into the room of death, I stick my arm on this table, and she says "you ready?" The table starts moving, my hand starts tingling, and over on the screen of the computer my bone shows up on a computer. It's really quite cool. 5 Minutes later, we're out the door and on our way. Talk about a painless experience. Now I get to wait a week to see how my Bone Density Test comes back. I'm hoping it's good news and I can continue my life as the Anti-Jared Fogle, but we shall see.
you don't get really strong and turn green when you're mad now, do you?
December 7th, 2007, 1:02 pm
Matt wrote:you don't get really strong and turn green when you're mad now, do you?

Only in one arm. It's kind of freaky... (oh, by the way the package is in the mail)
December 7th, 2007, 1:09 pm
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I show you something fantastic and you find fault.
Location: Greensboro, NC
I'm a frequenter of the Breast Center and of the other local choices, I think it wins hands-down. In one, they forced me to walk through a crowded hallway in a partial shirt; in another, appointment times simply didn't matter. The Breast Center is women-focused (although it's not just women who get breast cancer, it's an extraordinarily high percentage) and annual mammograms are awful, albeit necessary. The BC has dressing rooms attached to exam rooms (very nicely architected) and the physician comes into the dressing room to talk to you afterward (you can be dressed, which gives you a shred of power in a powerless situation). However, my last experience there disappointed me.

They were doing a patient survey, possibly for accreditation, and boy, everything was great! Very few people in the waiting room, took me right on time, had large and nice-smelling wipes for that powder thing, offered pump-spray deodorant (women understand), and it was change clothes, walk through a little doorway, get the test done, meet with the doc, fill out the accreditation survey and go home. It didn't take 30 minutes.

I had to go back a week later because a little thing showed up on the test (good news, no big deal). Survey time was over and things had changed.

The waiting room was over-crowded, I waited at least 30 minutes, my exam room was nowhere near my dressing room (had to walk partially clothed through a hallway), the thick wipes turned into alcohol-laden tiny packets that I had to tear open with my teeth, the deodorant was empty, and the doc met me by standing in the hallway with my changing room door open.

Why don't they treat EVERY week like it's survey week? The test is scary enough (it's said that there's only two types of women in the world: those who have breast cancer and those petrified they're going to get it), it's painful (aka "discomfort" and if I hear "we compress because we care" one more time, I'm going to smack some poor tech) and because only women must have the annual exam, it's definitely inconvenient for working women, mothers, mothers who work, and who does that leave out? It's intensely personal and makes you feel both vulnerable and exposed. The results can be life-altering. And they give us crappy little alcohol wipes?

I'm impressed that they babysat your kid during your test. That's a big gold star in my book.
December 7th, 2007, 5:47 pm
Sue wrote:I'm impressed that they babysat your kid during your test. That's a big gold star in my book.

Yeah, I was a bit taken back at first since they waited till I sat there for 30 minutes before they informed me my child couldn't go back... I somewhat expected it because of the X-rays, but felt they'd have chairs in the hallway or something right outside the door.

But they said no problem, and sat up with the receptionist... she was rightly proud of herself too. (my daughter that is)... I guess if you're a single mom, you're SOL. Heck one hispanic/mexican child was left in the waiting room while her mother and translator went back.... but I wasn't about to just leave my 3 year old out in the waiting room.
December 7th, 2007, 6:09 pm
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I show you something fantastic and you find fault.
Location: Greensboro, NC
it is a very nice post, i enjoyed reading in every sentence of yours.
September 23rd, 2010, 2:45 am
Let Cam do your breast exam

All stupid ideas pass through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is ridiculed. Third, it is ridiculed
September 23rd, 2010, 10:39 am
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A Person
Location: Slightly west of the Great White North

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