My Cat Swallowed Viagra
Posted: November 30th, 2005, 10:22 amViagra
Every guy out there has been asking me what to get there wives, and girlfriends for Christmas. Supposedly as their friend, they expect since I'm a girl, we must certainly have the same tastes. I'm used to this. I actually don't mind, and to tell you the truth I'm pretty good at it. Take for instance last year when my good friend Earl asked me what to get his girlfriend for Christmas. Jokingly I said, get her Viagra, and tell her you'll take it when ever she wants.
The problem was he didn't take it as a joke. The next night I get a call from Earl telling me he had ordered the Viagra on Internet and had it sent to my house to hide until Christmas. Reluctantly and without really having a choice in the matter I said. "OK?"
So a couple of weeks go by and the Viagra shows up at our door and I call Earl to tell him his box labeled United Medical Precision had arrived in the mail.
Earl asks "Can you wrap it for me Liv?"
I said "Why can't you?"
Earl says "Men don't wrap gifts."
"Fine", I said I'll wrap it for you, frustrated with the idea I was wrapping a bottle of Viagra. So later that night I wrapped it up, and stuck it under the Christmas tree with the other gifts we had bought for the kids and our friends. Earl said he'd drop by on Christmas morning and pick the Viagra up.
A few days later I'm sitting on the couch watching TV. I see Schitzy, our 50 LB Fat Cat peek out from behind the Christmas Tree. I noticed his eyes appeared much bigger then normal with a death glare now pointed at Sunshine, our other male cat.
It was only when Schitzy made his mid-air jump, I was able to see Schitzy was fully, well... erect. But this wasn't the odd part. The odd part was Schitzy jumping at all... this is a huge Kitty. Normally I would have assumed that much Fat moving that fast would kill him. But It didn't.
I look over to see a open package of Viagra sitting under the tree. The pills had came in a little box, and then in those foil bubble seals & Schitzy just happens to like shiny stuff. So apparently after batting the wrapped package around long enough with his paws, for the last few days, all of which had gone unnoticed by me he had swallowed a Viagra.
So Schitzy is in mid-flight. Sunshine who is laying on the couch licking his hair, turns, looks up and sees Schitzy locked and loaded bearing down down on him like a George Bush bunker buster missile.
I've never seen the face of horror on a cat before the way I did on Sunshine.
Sunshine runs and leaps off the couch. Schitzy to busy with his landing, drops on the couch with such force, he rebounds twice before he finally begins humping the arm of the couch. A few seconds later he realizes it's not Sunshine and sees his partner running down the hall with his tail tucked between his legs. Schitzy darts after him. Viagra in his veins, he is unstoppable. Schitzy makes one final leap and slams down on Sunshine. Unable to move under the 50LBS of blubber. Sunshine begins making these odd screeching growling sounds.
Schitzy is now going crazy humping little sunshine. Its insane! Schitzy hasn't been this active since lasagna went on sale at Food Lion.
I called Earl and I explained that there might be a problem. Earl asks "whats that noise in the back?" I said that's our problem. I tell Earl what happened and he begins laughing so hard he utterly started to cry. He said that's worth every dime I spent, and said he'd be over in a few minutes.
So Earl shows up and the first thing he asks is "Did I miss it?
"No Earl... There on like there fourth time though."
Eventually about 4 hours later Schitzy conked out. He was utterly comatose and remained that way for about 3 days afterwards. Sunshine now trembling crawled under our bed a refused to eat for several weeks. An obvious victim of rape, he would now live in fear of cats on Viagra everywhere.
Every guy out there has been asking me what to get there wives, and girlfriends for Christmas. Supposedly as their friend, they expect since I'm a girl, we must certainly have the same tastes. I'm used to this. I actually don't mind, and to tell you the truth I'm pretty good at it. Take for instance last year when my good friend Earl asked me what to get his girlfriend for Christmas. Jokingly I said, get her Viagra, and tell her you'll take it when ever she wants.
The problem was he didn't take it as a joke. The next night I get a call from Earl telling me he had ordered the Viagra on Internet and had it sent to my house to hide until Christmas. Reluctantly and without really having a choice in the matter I said. "OK?"
So a couple of weeks go by and the Viagra shows up at our door and I call Earl to tell him his box labeled United Medical Precision had arrived in the mail.
Earl asks "Can you wrap it for me Liv?"
I said "Why can't you?"
Earl says "Men don't wrap gifts."
"Fine", I said I'll wrap it for you, frustrated with the idea I was wrapping a bottle of Viagra. So later that night I wrapped it up, and stuck it under the Christmas tree with the other gifts we had bought for the kids and our friends. Earl said he'd drop by on Christmas morning and pick the Viagra up.
A few days later I'm sitting on the couch watching TV. I see Schitzy, our 50 LB Fat Cat peek out from behind the Christmas Tree. I noticed his eyes appeared much bigger then normal with a death glare now pointed at Sunshine, our other male cat.
It was only when Schitzy made his mid-air jump, I was able to see Schitzy was fully, well... erect. But this wasn't the odd part. The odd part was Schitzy jumping at all... this is a huge Kitty. Normally I would have assumed that much Fat moving that fast would kill him. But It didn't.
I look over to see a open package of Viagra sitting under the tree. The pills had came in a little box, and then in those foil bubble seals & Schitzy just happens to like shiny stuff. So apparently after batting the wrapped package around long enough with his paws, for the last few days, all of which had gone unnoticed by me he had swallowed a Viagra.
So Schitzy is in mid-flight. Sunshine who is laying on the couch licking his hair, turns, looks up and sees Schitzy locked and loaded bearing down down on him like a George Bush bunker buster missile.
I've never seen the face of horror on a cat before the way I did on Sunshine.
Sunshine runs and leaps off the couch. Schitzy to busy with his landing, drops on the couch with such force, he rebounds twice before he finally begins humping the arm of the couch. A few seconds later he realizes it's not Sunshine and sees his partner running down the hall with his tail tucked between his legs. Schitzy darts after him. Viagra in his veins, he is unstoppable. Schitzy makes one final leap and slams down on Sunshine. Unable to move under the 50LBS of blubber. Sunshine begins making these odd screeching growling sounds.
Schitzy is now going crazy humping little sunshine. Its insane! Schitzy hasn't been this active since lasagna went on sale at Food Lion.
I called Earl and I explained that there might be a problem. Earl asks "whats that noise in the back?" I said that's our problem. I tell Earl what happened and he begins laughing so hard he utterly started to cry. He said that's worth every dime I spent, and said he'd be over in a few minutes.
So Earl shows up and the first thing he asks is "Did I miss it?
"No Earl... There on like there fourth time though."
Eventually about 4 hours later Schitzy conked out. He was utterly comatose and remained that way for about 3 days afterwards. Sunshine now trembling crawled under our bed a refused to eat for several weeks. An obvious victim of rape, he would now live in fear of cats on Viagra everywhere.
