Death is something which occurs frequently in life. People die, you're bound to witness it, guaranteed to have it occur eventually. In my observation of the event, it's generally at the time of death that is when people commonly come to the conclusion that their entire lives, their entire belief structure is in question.
It does happen to some people sooner. In my opinion this usually is accompanied by anger. I've seen recent relatives near dying awake for minutes, respirator in mouth, in anger only to die hours later. I've seen partners of loved ones grow cold and bitter slowly when there is no word from the other side in the years following a funeral.
The process is worsened when you outlive everyone you love. When your brothers and sisters, your mother and your father, perhaps even when you are the last of a generation. You look around and all you see is loneliness. I've seen family members, healthy and normal, become suicidal, and wanting to die. It's this enlightenment, this process by which we see our own mortality for what it is. It's one-way, no turning back. When loved one's die, they don't come back. Suddenly there's silence, and all of our years when we were so sure of what life is about comes full circle, and loneliness becomes our only companion.
Of course it doesn't have to be that way. Though the irony, something we humans love, is a dramatic fitting.
I think funerals are a good indicator of what falsehoods we retain in life about what death is. I know for every family, funerals are different. For the majority of ones I've attended throughout the years, they're generally what I call in my opinion "Your Last 15 Minutes of Fame". It's a show, a production. The cast includes your dead body (optional), some preacher with a rehearsed and recited monologue that is used over and over again at everyone's funeral, and family and friends who would normally never come and visit you in real life. I mean why do we tolerate athletes who get paid millions of dollars, or Britney Spears being stupid and rich. Why? Because we all secretly want to be them. We want our fame, and a funeral is our last chance to strut upon a stage for an audience. For some of us it's our only opportunity to stand before our loved ones and say "this was my life and this is what it stood for". I'm not sure if there's really anything wrong with that, except sometimes the theater production of your death is hijacked by family members who have some alternative concept of what you want, or what your life was about. Who are you to argue, you're dead?
Commonly these hijacked funerals are rigid, and strictly adhere to the hijackers beliefs, and their feelings. I've often found that it's the hijackers who feel that their relationship with the dead person is more important or should be more coveted then anyone else's. It often excludes other loved ones in some form or fashion.
Me. When I die. Bring some beer, pass the microphone, everyone say something nice and have a laugh, If you want to dance... dance. Want to scream, scream. Want to cuss at me.. then do so. Then move on with your lives. If I lived my life right, then there's no doubt that part of me will live on in those whom I love. After all, I knew long ago... that life, this life, is all we've got.
