Sunday, May 31, 2009

Sona Med Spa Greensboro: Does Laser Hair Removal Work?

No. No matter what they tell you, it doesn't and anyone saying anything to the contrary has money to be made from the process. Of course you're free to make your own decisions, but for me, and the majority of people out there, laser hair removal just does not work. The cost was outrageous, and its effectiveness dubious.

Of course it does sound all quite appealing doesn't it? Tired of shaving, you go into one of these places called laser hair removal spas where they shoot a cryogenic blend of supercooled air onto your skin, and red wavelength laser down into the hair follicle's root till it blows it up like some Reagan era Star Wars program shooting down communist satellites.

Curious about this process, I set up a consultation with my Greensboro Ideal Image to find out what this pleasure would cost me. Shocked I was when she slid me a discreet piece of paper that estimated the upper lip at $690.00 dollars. Want your armpits lasered off? Try almost $1000.00. I grabbed her pen crossed out her numbers, moved the decimal over, and slid the paper back to her. She didn't think it was funny.

Eventually Ideal's competitor in Greensboro, Sona Med Spa, enticed me in for a 35% off deal. A deal that committed me to eighteen months of brutal torture and pain, with limited or no results.

The number one question, I'm always asked about my experience with laser hair removal is, "Does laser hair removal hurt?" Oh yes, oh God, yes! It hurts beyond anything you can imagine. It's like taking a knife to your skin, slightly prying up on the tissue, grabbing it with vice grips, chaining it to a run-away train and having your face ripped off... and that's just one pulse.

"pew, pew!"

But let's get serious.... if it was so painful, why did I keep going back? Well I paid almost $1300.00 and hoped to see some benefits. I honestly can't say I have seen such results but when your already indebted to hope, you pray that your failed results are due to a lack of persistence rather than the more obvious explanation, that laser is a complete hoax played upon the pocketbooks of us who are naively hoping for any easy answer. So we tell ourselves, "one more time", though we promised ourselves to never to do it again after last time. Last time I left crying, hyperventilating, and in the uncontrollable emotional state.

This time I was prepared. One tube of Canadian Prescription strength topical creme called Triocaine, which is much stronger then the Sonacreme that's only 5% lidocaine. Triocaine is 6% lidocaine, 20% benzocaine and 4% tetracaine. Coupled with two hydrocodone-500s, it still was so painful I can not convey in words the amount of screaming that occurred in that tiny room. I felt like Stallone's character in Rambo, where he is secured to a bare-metal mattress spring, doused with water continuously and shocked with an electric current. Rambo enjoyed killing the Vietnamese soldier when he was freed, but I wasn't even given the satisfaction of murdering my laser technician.

I don't want to make this a joke though. I don't want someone to mistake my metaphor for a reason to invest in laser hair removal. Oh no. I'm quite convinced the whole process to which companies make money in this sector of "health care" (laser hair removal), is largely based upon the concept that most people won't return because it hurts way too much. I mean, How can you take serious a place who claims you can lose 15% body weight by wrapping you in plastic for an hour?

I sit here blistered, burnt, and clearly not embarrassed enough to warn future victims of this mad science, of exactly what they're signing up for. No wait, I am embarrassed, but it's worth saying. I've been through surgery; recently had four wisdom teeth removed, I've had sciatica, even hit by car on my bike and a train in my car... None of it ever came close to the pain of laser hair removal. So does it hurt? Is it painful? Take a bottle of hairspray, aim it at your face and light a match. That's what it feels like, and it will work about just as effective at removing the hair.

My advice, save your money and go to a traditional electrologist.